For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices... in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air
I have a friend name Dennis. Both his parents are midgets, but not Dennis. He's a midget dwarf. He's the guy who poses for trophies
I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy
I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney
I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot."
I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes
I've got some powdered water, but I don't know what to add
I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic
I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five
The other day I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died
